It’s been awhile, but I was doing a lot of work recently.
I’ve been thinking for quite awhile, trying to drown everything out through work, with the apparent pregnancy that she has going on, I haven’t been in the right mind to think.
I think she’s giving me space now, as I haven’t seen any trace of her lately, but of course, that may be because she’s taking it easy for the pregnancy. Frankly, if I’m being completely honest, I’m worried about her, and my eventual child.
Maybe that’s why I’m saving up, or maybe I just want some cash to be able to get out of this country, or something in between. This has been a major shock to me, and frankly, I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself. I guess that she should be reaching 7 months soon, and so I might just go and give myself up, since, I want that child to be able to live a happy life, and I don’t know how she’s going to react to the entire situation.
Frankly, I just wish that I could start from the beginning and decide to not make that same mistake, as it made my life close to a living hell during the hottest summers, and the coldest winters when I almost died a few times. Honestly, this all might be my fault, as if I didn’t run at the first sign of trouble and just talked it out, it might have been better, but I don’t know. I just guess that I need to do more thinking instead of just working.
I think back on all the jobs and rides that I’ve gotten, and I’m beginning to think that it’s been more than just luck.
I’ve been able to get money when I’ve needed it, and have found cars and truckers to pick me up when I was about exhausted, starving, and in the middle of nowhere. It’s almost like I’ve had someone help me through this entire two year ordeal. I don’t know if it’s a God, a devil, or if it’s her strange magic that she apparently has.
Honestly, I don’t know why I’m still alive, and I don’t know if I should regret that fact yet, but I guess that will be shown soon enough. I guess that I need to just give myself up and figure out what’s going to happen. It’s honestly, terrifying as hell, but it’s definitely my only option left at this point. I figure that I don’t have much umph left in me, and I have been tired for the longest time without real rest.
I think that my mental state is completely fractured and I don’t know how long it will be that it can be kept together until I finally break down.
I’m in Kansas City, Missouri
come get me.
sorry about the late post everyone. I’m currently out of future posts for this, and so I’ll have to write these out during the week. i’m sorry about the late time for release.